This winter, through careful study and observation, I’ve been able to identify one of nature’s great phenomena. Homo sapiens have always known about it, intuitively, but this may be the first time it’s been given a name (and a nifty visual).
Behold! I call this phenomenon: The Chocolate Continuum
The law which governs this theory is simple: the colder the weather, the more chocolate I eat.
See the graph at the top of the post for further clarification.
Even though I have established this causal relationship using a small sample size (myself) and limited timeframe (the last 6 weeks), I believe the results will remain the same no matter the size of the experiment, the location, or any cultural variables. I shall endeavor presently to win a research grant to fund further testing and analysis. The materials needed are simple and abundant: people, weather, and chocolate.
Now that we understand what is happening (eating more chocolate), the next question becomes why am I (and so many others) eating more chocolate when it gets cold? I have several hypotheses:
- Chocolate is comforting. Cold weather is uncomfortable. When faced with a choice between being comfortable and uncomfortable, people will choose the former. Therefore, when it is cold and chocolate is available, people will resort to eating it. (Comfort Hypothesis)
- Chocolate has magical warming properties. Upon ingesting the substance, the consumer’s core body temperature rises significantly. Purely from a survival perspective, eating chocolate when it is cold makes sense. (Evolutionary Hypothesis)
- When it is hot, chocolate melts. Due to melting, there is less chocolate available to eat in warmer climates, and, conversely, more in cooler ones. The greater supply fuels greater demand. (Availability Hypothesis)
Obviously, my theory is still in its infancy. Like the theory of gravity, I am sure it will develop over time into one of the great pillars of modern scientific understanding.
In terms of applicability of the theory, it has been very cold this winter in England. Perhaps some of our stateside brethren can relate (one hears of winter storms with apocalyptic names such as Pandora, Quantum, etc.). At any rate, it’s a good thing I’m in England and not Siberia, where I would risk death by chocolate (another theory I’m interested in exploring…) in the frigid climate.
Are other contemporary scientists are performing equally groundbreaking research into this important field of study? If anyone knows of such progress, please let me know in the comments below.